One of the Biggest Unintended Mistakes That Parents Make

Every one of us wants our children to be the very best self they can be. And so, what do we do as parents? We encourage them, we support them, we rescue them, we prod them, we motivate them, everything that we can to help them.

You would think that with all of that support and encouragement, that they would be growing up to be the most robust, resilient, self-confident kids, and yet this is not the case.

Sadly, one of the greatest emotional epidemics of modern times is the fact that our children have this very strong internal belief that they are not enough. The inner pain and stress that this not enough feeling causes for the child is enormous.

It colors their entire life. It affects their self-esteem, their energy, their vibrancy, their love of life, their joy.

Every day, I see toddlers and teens and young adults all of whom have this negative,’ I am not enough’ belief. This negative self-belief is at the root of all behavior, mood, emotional, physical and learning symptoms.

I also see mothers and father who themselves also carry a deep ’I am not enough’ feeling.

What strikes me is that these children have got the most supporting, loving parents, and yet they still struggle with low self-worth and low self-esteem.

So, I ask myself ‘why?’

Why do so man thousands of kids not feel good about who they are?

It seems to me that what is happening is that with all the best intention and the greatest love in the world, we, as parents, are constantly telling our children, “Try harder. Do better’

You can get better grades. You can behave in a better way.” And of course, our intentions are very honorable, but when we are constantly telling them to try better, to do more the child is coming to the conclusion that the way I am is not good enough.

This type of conversation is telling the child that their self-worth depends entirely on their achievement, on how well they are performing.

And so, when, for some reason they are not performing well, the child doesn’t think to themselves, ‘I didn’t do that well,’ Instead they think, ‘I am not enough.’

Every time we have one of these ‘you can do better’ conversations with your child, you are actually deepening the painful negative self- belief they have.

Of course, as parents we do need to encourage our kids to reach higher, but folks there is a right way to do this and a wrong way to do this. The right way will set you child up for great success and achievement.  The wrong way will set you child up for struggle and even failure.

 

How to avoid this parenting trap.

Start now, by becoming aware.

1. Become aware of how often you tell your child they need to improve.
2. How often do you push your child, because you feel what they are achieving is not good enough.
3. How often do you tell your child they need to try harder.
4. How often do you label your child as unmotivated?
5. Ask yourself, ‘Do I understand what is happening inside my child that is causing my child not to be able to use his greatest potential?’
6. Are you aware that there is a deeper reason for your child’s behavior that you need to understand and know how to heal?

If you realize that this describes your behavior, proceed to the next step:

 

Heal your child’s self-belief

1. Make a list of all the positive characteristics your child possesses (which you may either be taking for granted, or even don’t notice). These are your child’s unique personality characteristics that make him/her the special, wonderful being that they are.

I recommend you even create a board and show it to your child. If you need assistance with this, I can show you how. Contact me at +1 214 682 8980

Here are some of the boards that parents have created for their child

2. Then start becoming conscious of the moments when you see the child displaying one of those unique characteristics.

3. Then speak to your child about it. ‘I love the way you make me laugh. You have such a wonderful sense of humor. You are so creative. You are awesome. What a kind, caring person you are. I love this about you.

4. At the end of each day, review the conversations you had with your child, and note that there should always be 5 positives to one negative.

There is much more you can do as a parent, but the above 10 easy to do things, are an excellent place to start.

These will have a profound effect on your child.  It will build their self-confidence and strengthen their emotional resilience.  These are the 2 most important characteristics that all children need, in order to deal with today’s pressurized, competitive, fast-moving world.

To learn the skills parents, need to raise strong, confident, motivated, emotionally resilient children see www.drsandygluckman.com/consulting

Or call +1 214 682 8980  to schedule a complimentary 30-minute consult with Dr. Sandy